He's rude, crude and lewd. But Alexander the Poet of East Brunswick is fast becoming the sensation - or scourge, depending on your point of view -- of open mic nights in New Jersey.
Now if he could only get a date.
"To all the single ladies out there, I'm single," offers Alexander.
More on that later. As for Alex ************ act, the 25-year-old Russia-born wordsmith reads double-entendre-filled poetry - sometimes spiced with X-rated obscenities -- while wearing tight-black leather pants and an unbuttoned dress shirt.
With his bedraggled long curly hair, Alexander looks like a cross between wrestler Bret "Hitman" Hart and singer Tom Jones.
He takes off a piece of clothing after each poem, and a CD of whale mating calls plays throughout the ordeal.
"He's definitely going to make a name for himself," said Guy Tetro, senior editor of the North Jersey-based Hipnosis Web and print arts magazine. "I would say his performance reaches a new level of shocking repertoire that rivals Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy."
Alexander performs several times a week from Hoboken to the Jersey Shore.
"He's nuts," said Darryl Dahrough, owner Java Hut in Belmar, where Alexander is a regular performer. "But the crowd in here is also loony tunes - you know, 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?' They definitely get into it."
However, not everyone appreciates Alexander's act. The poet's Website -- www.alexanderthepoet.com - lists several area venues that have banned him.
"One time the guy who happened to be the owner or whoever stormed out of the kitchen and he basically threatened me," said Alexander of a venue in Linden. "He said, 'If you don't get the (expletive) off the stage, I'll throw you the (expletive) off!"
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JASON TOWLEN photo
Attention, ladies: Alexander the Poet has love on his mind, as evidence by his heart-shaped chest hair.
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Despite the clamor, Alexander is serious about his poetry.
"It's like any songwriter," Alexander said. "If they want to write a successful song, the most important thing is to come up with a title that is catchy and everyone can relate too. That's what becomes a hit."
"When Two Girls Touch" is a poem title that Alexander came up with.
However, Alexander, who's written more than 50 poems, makes sure that his verses rhyme, and that each line coupling contains the same amount of syllables.
He's a purist.
"Most poets are storytellers rather than poets, because they go up on stage and read paragraphs from a book," Alexander said. "It's gotten to the point where anyone can call themselves a poet."
Alexander has even been published in Xtreme magazine -- available in most go-go bars -- and a Canadian swingers' magazine called Touch.
Despite his successes, there's something missing from Alexander's life.
A girlfriend.
It's Alexander's hope that his fame builds to the point where he has groupies.
"I'd welcome it," Alexander said. "But I'd probably end up chasing after my fans rather than them chasing me."