INTERVIEW WITH GENE ROSS ON MONDAY, APRIL 14, 2003 (PUBLISHED APRIL 17)

Conversations with Alexander The Poet

Michele Raven, who was co-ho on the Wankus show [wwwksexradio.com] last night, said she had some very special anal pix on her website, micheleraven.com. "[This guy] went up my ass at 16 inches long and 6 inches in diameter," Raven proudly proclaimed. Raven, a regular Red Cross when it comes to sexual aid, said she'd even be willing to strip Alexander The Poet of his virginity when he comes out to Los Angeles in June for Erotica L.A.

Wankus noted that Alexander was celebrating "some kind of Hebe holiday" yesterday and was not in the chat room. It was Wankus' notion that Alexander was not allowed to use a telephone or any kind of electronics. But in honor of him, Wankus played Alexander's very first poem, "Two Inches" which is an ode to his penis, Alexander's that is.

"Though he may have a few crusty, white-headed zits on his upper lip area, I'm not going to judge him for it," Wankus added. Alexander will also be on the show, live, for the first time in June, an announcement that prompted Wankus' recollection of his attempts to get Alexander, a virgin, laid. Wankus is of the belief that claims to male virginity are either ploys to sucker some hot star into sex or a sign of a complete loser that doesn't have a clue. As for himself, Wankus said he'd never cop to virginity past the age of 20. Raven said once a guy got passed a certain age, she'd just give him money to get a hooker.

"That guy [Alexander] is a pussy," recollects Wankus. "When we were in Las Vegas, we had him set up. We had the whole thing planned out. Then on the last day, someone talked him out of it. He said, hey man you don't want to go out that way; you don't want to lose it to a porn star. We had this whole thing arranged. He chickened out," Wankus continued. "We had this adorable girl who was a mainstream girl breaking in, so it wasn't like he was going to be with some mega-slut. She was ready to tear him out and he chickened out at the last minute based on some advice from idiots who should have kept their fuckin' mouths shut. I told him I'm not going to help him out anymore. He's on his own."

That's when Raven volunteered to do the job. "When you see him with members of the opposite sex he shuts down," Wankus said. "He's all crazy in his poetry but has nothing to base his experience on except from what people tell him." Raven said most of the poems she's heard him do is about jacking off. "That's true. That he's very experienced in," said Wankus.

Gene sez: Had I heard last night's show first, I might have had a whole different line of questioning with ATP. Nonetheless this is how my conversation with Alexander went earlier in the week. I was surprised to learn that Alexander [alexanderthepoet.com] is a Jersey boy.

Gene: I'm calling for some sonnets, couplets and Iambic Pentameter. [ATP tells me something about calling dial a poem.] I see you'll be in town in June.

ATP: I'll be there in June. I want to hang at the Ksex studios.

Gene: Why'd I get the impression you're an L.A. guy.

ATP: Maybe because I come across as an L.A. person. I want to move to L.A. so badly. That's where I belong. I belong on the west coast. I'm from Jersey.

Gene: I didn't recognize the area code. I only know 201 and 609.

ATP: Last year they had to make more area codes to accommodate more people.

Gene: What do you do when you're not writing poems.

ATP: I work 9 to 5 a regular job doing Internet tech support for your basic dial up ISP. People call up with problems and I solve them. People freak out because they think I don't do anything but write poetry.

Gene: I got the same impression.

ATP: So when people find out I have a real world job it kind of legitimizes me as possibly being past human.

Gene: So you're problem solver. Who solves your problems.

ATP: Usually my mom.

Gene: How did you become Alexander The Poet.

ATP: Basically the end of 1997, I had this weekend job in a corporate office handling papers for an insurance company. In general I was writing poetry, but nice poems. Suddenly there was a weekend with nothing to do and I started writing poems. A friend suggested why don't I start writing poems about getting laid. I thought, okay, fine. I wrote one. I wrote two. He said they were funny. Then I wanted to take it one step further, that is, to read them publicly. In most cases poets tend to be very private people. They write a poem that's about their own inner thoughts and they keep them to themselves. I wanted to take it one step further so I went to a college open mike one night and read three or four of these perverted poems. The response I got was shock, laughter, there were shouts of freak. The thing is I continued it. I sensed that this was something good. Eventually I just built on that character.

Gene: How did you hook up with the adult industry.

ATP: I was e-mailing lots of media contacts and e-mailed Wankus. I said I listen to your show and asked if he would listen to some of my MP3's. He ended up liking them and began playing them at the beginning of his show. Tomorrow will be the first anniversary that they've been playing my stuff.

Gene: You've never appeared in person on the show.

ATP: Last year in May they flew me to Venice Beach to film a TV pilot that they were doing, The Wanker Show. We filmed there and they asked me to sit on the beach in a sports jacket as the water was splashing over me. I was reading these poems. It was fun but I got sand in my pants. Then in January I went to Vegas to Internex, the adult webmaster convention. That was pretty cool.

Gene: So you're a personality in absentia.

ATP: Yeah. I'm not a famous porn star. I don't plan to make porn movies in that respect.

Gene: Is there a book of poetry in the works.

ATP: On my website I have a whole bunch of them. I just made a CD of 69 poems incidentally. For marketing purposes, 69 seemed like a good idea. You can find them on my website.

Gene: Have you developed a fan base from all this stuff.

ATP: Yeah. Even before I was in the adult industry, I had a fan base. They just found it to be so interesting. Even in the sense of poetry these days, very few poets write in the AB, AB format. Which reads like a Hallmark card. Some people put that format down and do free-stuff. But to me that's what I find so magical. The poetry I do takes me back to the Renaissance period where you have the power of a magician when you rhyme like that.

Gene: In school were you into English literature, the Elizabethan poets?

ATP: Those were my strong points in terms of subjects. I like English and History best. Math and Science I just loathe. I guess I'm a right side of the brain person. You're left side is analytical and the right side is creative.

Gene: Everyone wants to direct in the porn business. Do you?

ATP: No. More or less I would be one of those background characters. I'd just like to be a personality in that respect.

Gene: Hear from any of the girls in the business.

ATP: I also write about celebrities. But the girls I write about from the show will put the poems on their websites. In June I'll also be on Nightcalls with Juli Ashton. There was this one poem I wrote about the Olsen Twins...

Gene: Be very careful...

ATP: Yeah, yeah I know. They're 16 or 17 but the fact is there's a lot of red-blooded males who are thinking exactly what I'm thinking. Then there was this poem I wrote about John 3:16. One night I read it in a bar and pissed off two drunk guys. For like an hour they tried to lecture me that God was going to kill me. I struck a nerve in two drunks.

Gene: Trust me, you're more likely to hear from Vince McMahon and his lawyers than God.